What's a MOTY if not an unabashedly unique problem solver? Why, just this past weekend, I found myself 15 minutes into an hour car journey with my husband and three children crammed into my 5-seater Scion with all three children screaming, and the 3-year-old trying to unclick her carseat straps whilst flipping the eff out because her sippy cup of milk was chilled and not the preferred 30 seconds in the mic.
Annie What's a MOTY if not an unabashedly unique problem solver? Why, just this past weekend, I found myself 15 minutes into an hour car journey with my husband and three children crammed into my 5-seater Scion with all three children screaming, and the 3-year-old trying to unclick her carseat straps whilst flipping the eff out because her sippy cup of milk was chilled and not the preferred 30 seconds in the mic. As for the other two lunatics? I just yelled. You simply can't help everyone.
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By Layah
Currently Seeking Non-Judgy Mom Buds who May Occasionally Have Food and/or Human Waste Products on Their Clothing: Hello, mamas! My kid will be starting kindergarten at your children's school this fall. She didn’t go to Pre-K with your kiddos (Yep, we were Montessori bitches! And a Montessori school a half an hour away, no less, because I panic-registered her at the last minute without realizing there were options here in town.) She also won't be attending the super cute camp for new kindergartners where you’ll all likely deepen your bond this summer… because I just found out about it yesterday. The more you know me, the more you’ll learn that’s how I roll – a constant mess of missed dates and forgotten necessities. Don’t worry, I’ll forget snack day, but I’ll come rushing in with a blaze of glory and some kick-ass vegan treats – and Starbys for the teachers and room moms – just in the knick of time! My daughter is genuinely kind and fun, if a bit shy, we love the great outdoors, and we’re always up for play dates (with mimosas, guacamole and wine). If the woman in this blog post is a spirit animal to you too, and your kid is going be with my kid in school, hit me up. We can be uncool together. #unity Mother's Day is this Sunday, mamas! Before we get swept up in the insufferable brunches and buried in potted plants and handprint art (yes, yes, we like these things just fine... but where is that hotel room all to myself I ask for each year already?), we just wanted to say: man, motherhood is a tough gig, amirite? So much harder than we ever imagined. Like, so hard that if we won the mega-millions, we'd spend every penny trying to build the world's first time machine expressly so that we could travel back, oh, 20 to 30 years, shower our mothers with kisses and beg sweet, sweet forgiveness for not seeing them as the luminous and benevolent goddesses they were. In fact, if you're reading this, our dear mothers, we'd like to formally commend you for not body-slamming us into brick walls every time we rolled our eyes. You have our highest praises for your infinite patience and self control. Actually, we have quite a few things we need to say: Mom, you were right when you decided to take my 17-year-old brother to Woodstock II and not me when I was 13 years old. I'm sorry for ignoring you for the ENTIRE week before you left and not saying goodbye to you. I'm so happy that you went and enjoyed yourself. Also, you rocked that tie-dyed marijuana t-shirt!
I'm sorry I didn't listen when you said I was too young to start shaving. It makes me physically ill to think of the years of my life I could have saved had I not insisted you knew nothing about female bodies. By Annie
I love my kids, and their safety is everything... right up there with doing whatever is humanly possible to ensure that they aren't all using outside voices at the same time in a small, enclosed space. But I'm gonna be completely honest. There's a lot I'm not going to do. I mean, I'm teaching stranger danger and how to cross the street, and I'll probably remember sunscreen. But washing brand new clothes before my kids wear them? Yep. That's one of those things that ain't happening in my house. I know about about the germs, the possibility of lice, the rash-causing anti-mildew agents, and even the carcinogens like formaldehyde (it's level 3, pipe down). I know all about it so we can stop talking about it already. Here's the deal:
By Mandy Six years and two kids ago when I moved home from L.A., I only ever wore slinky thongs or nothing at all. So scandalous, so sexy. Now, this is the type of purchase that exhilarates me: Mom panties. They're a real thing. And discounted Marylyn Monroe shaping panties are the closest I'm coming to Hollywood starlet these days. And you know what? That's sexy as hell. #Momlife #Winning
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We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane. Archives
September 2017
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