1. New nude, seamless, full-coverage underwear.
2. Minor plastic surgery to get rid of all the "battle scars" of motherhood (saggy boobs, tummy, butt, eyes, cheeks.) Actually, new boobs altogether, ones that are perky and full and don't wrinkle.
3. An uninterrupted 24 hours during which absolutely no one bothers me for any reason whatsoever. This time would be best spent in a hotel room completely and utterly by myself.
4. My husband to pleasure me for 25 minutes straight and expect nothing in return -- no sex, no blowjob, no sandwich. Nothin'.
5. To sleep in my bed alone for as long as I want.
6. A day in my own home with no time constraints or planning around naps or bedtime. Just me, my bed, a book and a comically large bag of gourmet chocolate covered pretzels.
7. A spotless house. Like, "call the Better Homes & Gardens photographer" kind of clean.
8. The ability to magically eat whatever I want with no consequences. (See #6.)
9. A visit from the potty fairy to completely train my 3-yr-old and a promise that she'll come back to potty train the others.
9. For my toddler, just once, to eat the food I put in front of him.
11. A mani/pedi. It's not vogue to want material things on a Hallmark holiday, but I do. So shut up.
Is that too terribly much to ask? Oh, and a yacht docked in St. John. Because Mother's Day.
Maybe next year, MOTYs!