Take it mamas, take it in: Underwear, a stuffed animal, kids’ mala beads, legos, one shoe, candy wrappers, sucked-down lolly pop sticks, a purse, empty food packages, actual food, a crayon and a California Republic flag – represent! I’d clean it, but, let’s be honest, my kids are disrespectful little beasts who are only pacified by my perpetual state of meltdown. My time is better spent heading to yoga 💁♀️
Perhaps I am just lazy, but so be it. I hate potty training. Johnny, my not-even-2-year-old has been showing all the potty-ready signs, and I've casually ignored them as long as possible. So I finally dragged the potty out. Dutifully displayed the potty training books. But, hot damn, if I can find any real motivation.
Still, I decided to let Johnny be diaper-free this morning. I gently led him to his potty. He sat several times. We read book after book upon the potty. Then... somehow within the two-minute time-span it took for me to do my daughter Sofia's hair, Johnny managed to poop on the floor in three DIFFERENT ROOMS, plus pee on the kitchen floor, PLUS poop on Sofia’s bed. I'm not even upset. Not even overwhelmed. Just so not feeling it. I am already drowning in laundry. Now, to clean bedding. Ah well, Monday.
Redecorating your kids' rooms? Instead of spending an exorbitant amount of money on oh-so-adorable area rugs that the darling rascals are going to color, spill, and possibly even pee or poop on, save your tragically limited time and money by buying the bathmat version! Seriously, the price difference alone is shocking:
Amirite?? Now, take a look at what that extra $$$ will get you in care instructions:
Ain't no MOTY got time for that! Go with the bath mat and no wasting time delicately spot cleaning (or, if you are super meticulous, color checking before using a cleaner) and no wasting mommy-time money on professional carpet cleaning. Just throw these babies in the wash and move on. Plus, they honestly look good!
NOTE: This hack works better for smaller spaces, but remember, kids don’t know the difference and will think you are extra awesome for getting more than one!
Currently Seeking Non-Judgy Mom Buds who May Occasionally Have Food and/or Human Waste Products on Their Clothing:
Hello, mamas! My kid will be starting kindergarten at your children's school this fall. She didn’t go to Pre-K with your kiddos (Yep, we were Montessori bitches! And a Montessori school a half an hour away, no less, because I panic-registered her at the last minute without realizing there were options here in town.) She also won't be attending the super cute camp for new kindergartners where you’ll all likely deepen your bond this summer… because I just found out about it yesterday. The more you know me, the more you’ll learn that’s how I roll – a constant mess of missed dates and forgotten necessities. Don’t worry, I’ll forget snack day, but I’ll come rushing in with a blaze of glory and some kick-ass vegan treats – and Starbys for the teachers and room moms – just in the knick of time! My daughter is genuinely kind and fun, if a bit shy, we love the great outdoors, and we’re always up for play dates (with mimosas, guacamole and wine). If the woman in this blog post is a spirit animal to you too, and your kid is going be with my kid in school, hit me up. We can be uncool together. #unity
Except that by settling down, I mean holding two squirming kids. And by relaxing, I mean loud, sweaty, anxiety inducing and riddled with toddler kicks. And by meal, I mean whatever I choke down and anything my kid doesn't finish. Because MOTY.
As a former California girl and legitimate sufferer of seasonal affective disorder, the bitter Ohio winters are always hard on me. Now – with a rambunctious, anti-napping toddler and always-needs-to-be-held infant, winter is doubly hard. The only thing that tops my aversion to letting the kids watch TV all day is my blatant, unapologetic refusal to take the children outside to play. I'm not doing snowmen. I'm not doing snow angels. I'm not doing forts or igloos or snowballs. The result? Things are getting weird fast at home.
But, mamas! It's only been cold for about a WEEK. I'm exhausted already. It's going to be a long, messy winter...
We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane.