"I'm thankful that this body has grown a strong, healthy baby.
As anxious as I am to meet her, I don't want to forget how awesome
it is to be a woman and experience this process."
But I deeply and truly wish I felt the way my friend does about her pregnancy. So I cried. I cried for the loss of never experiencing a beautiful and fun pregnancy. I cried because I know if I became pregnant again, I would most likely suffer tremendously once more (at least according to the stats).
Yet, I know my family is not done growing. Roger and I do want a 4th child in the future. However, as much as I love our biological children, we do not need to create another one for our family to be complete. There are so many incredible children in need of homes that we could, hopefully, be lucky enough to adopt and have the privilege of loving another child as our own.
The Tank - our middle child - is a strong reminder of that. Not only do I have the most wonderful memories of bringing him into our family (the phone call, the last minute shopping at Babies-R-Us; no pain, no torn vagina, no vomiting, etc...), but he also happens to be one of the most AMAZING kids on this planet. Though we did not "create" him, he is just as much ours, holds just as big of a part of our hearts, our love, as either of our biological children. He is our son. We will protect him, along with The Munch and Little Hawk, until our last breath. We would die for each of them - no questions asked.
I'm not sure when my eyes will cease to get watery when I see beautiful pregnant women in very last stage of their pregnancy. I'm not sure when I'll be able to think about my own pregnancies and birth experiences without an overwhelming feeling of horror, fear, and sadness. I'm not sure when I'll stop feeling like I missed out on something so remarkable and beautiful, even though my body did grow two perfect, healthy, human beings. But in the mean time, I know that even though I could never physically & mentally grow my family again, there is another beautiful option called adoption.