"There are some belligerent people out there, but could you imagine dealing with a person who acts like a toddler, in your face, for 8+ hours a day? I mean, it really is akin to torture. Prisoners have more protection from that than mothers do."
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"In moments like my daughter losing her first tooth, I am sentimental about the fleetingness of childhood. But normally, I'm like, 'Do it your fucking self.'"
"He won't go to sleep, so I told him, 'Quick! Quiet, the monsters are coming!' And he hid. Then I told him that the monsters will come into our room if we aren't quiet, that if they hear you, they'll come in and eat you. But, if you are quiet, they won't hear anything and they'll skip our room.
He's as quiet as a mouse." "I never read their school newsletters. They are really boring. And full of typos. And exclamation points. And fake happiness."
"It was supposed to rain all day. I had this lovely daydream of my family being idyllic and loving each other with a wholesome indoor activity. Then the sun came out, and I remembered we're pretty much all assholes."
"He wants a floaty balloon and I'm basically Hitler for saying, 'Maybe after supper.'"
"I wish there was one of those time clocks on our front door for my kids. Byyyyyyyyeeeee, losers, it's the weekend!"
"Having to remind yourself to be a good mom all the time is exhausting and makes you feel like shit."
"Oh god, oh god, there's a bare anus on my neck. This is new. I've never had anything like this before. Well. Maybe in college, but different context."
"Nothing like starting off the holiday weekend poking through your kid's poop with a plastic fork to find the metal charm swallowed the day before."
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MOTY Mamas
We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane. Archives
September 2017
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