"Unless you can accept that children will act like total dickheads in public at least a dozen times simply because they are children, I probably don't want to discuss parenting with you."
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"You need a corral. Like a chicken coop. With that durable blue plastic on the floor. That should be [your toddlers'] only space."
"If my toddler pees through his diaper, I make a judgment call based on how much water he drank before bed, how long it's been, and how much it smells like pee as to whether or not I wash that pajama or air dry and reuse. #savingtheplanet"
"So finally I just said, out loud, 'Fine. Have an ear infection then. I don't care.'"
"So our two-day streak of being early to school has ended. I'll always treasure that special time when it came across that I had my shit together."
"Do you brush [your toddler's] teeth twice a day?"
"Um, I have literally never once brushed her teeth. I just feel like babies aren't people until they're two, so it's fine." "Any parent who judges another parent because her child is having a meltdown is just orchestrating her own bad-karma demise. I wish public tantrums on her tenfold. And diarrhea."
"I turned around to see my toddler stirring the toilet water with her brother's tooth brush, and my first thought was, 'Eh. He probably deserves it.'"
"Realizing that he is a small child with a tiny-ass brain and underdeveloped frontal cortex makes it easier to cut him some slack."
"Today my son's preferred method of eating dry Kix was dumping the bowl on the floor, wedging individual pieces in his bare butt crack, squatting until they fell out, and then eating them."
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MOTY Mamas
We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane. Archives
September 2017
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