"It seems so obvious, like why do we have to TELL kids what good behavior is? Kids should just know. Don't hit your brother. Don't bitch slap your mother. Don't throw a goddamn fit when it's time to leave the park."
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"I'm much better at home schooling when my kids are at school."
"Sometimes when I come home, I can hear them all screaming when I'm still a good five feet from the door. I have to take a deep breath and brace myself before walking into my own house. Assholes. Every last one of them."
"My problem was that screen time meant I could do other shit and ignore them. Now that we're screen-free, I still ignore them but they're used to finding shit to do on their own."
"Think about it objectively: these are toddlers and children who don't know shit. They sometimes play with shit. And then put that shit in their mouths. They are weird and crazy and wonderful but also assholes and stupid."
"Stay in the moment when your kids say they hate you and you're horrible. Just laugh and think, 'You little fuckers have no clue.'"
"I really hate being a mom today. They're all screaming. Everything is a mess. I'm in such a bad mood that I even yelled at other people's kids."
"I wish that when my kids were all screaming at the same time, I remembered all the good parenting advice I read. Instead I just say, 'I don't have time for this,' in a bitchy voice."
"Nothing is worse than a sick kid on two fronts: 1. because they're sick and whining all the time and 2. because you feel like a rotten human being for wanting them to just STFU and handle it themselves."
"I'm sorry your kids treat you like shit sometimes. I'm sorry ALL of our kids treat us like shit sometimes. We really are so awesome, and it's frustrating that they can't see that and worship us."
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MOTY Mamas
We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane. Archives
September 2017
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