It’s only been just over 1.5 years that we have had daily contact. But, it feels like a life time. Even though I have not technically met two of you, I know you better than some people I have to call family, and I love you even more.
We have shared our deepest secrets, our biggest worries, our superficial disappointments, our worst MOTY moments, our realistic dreams, our wishful thinking. We've shared the little victories, the big heartaches, the most embarrassing moments, and the events that have brought the greatest joy. You have been my shoulders to cry on (metaphorically speaking) and my biggest cheerleaders. You three know my husband and children because you have listened to me, with full attention and with love, as I praise, vent, and talk about them endlessly.
I’m not sure what my life, what motherhood, would be like without having you three there - every day - on the other side of our phones/computers. (Thank the lord for Facebook messenger and that microphone feature. I love hearing your voices, and I love “chatting” to you as friends would do over coffee, or lots of wine). If my MOTYs were not in my life, I might have had a breakdown and run away a long time ago.
Did I mention, yet, that I love you?
Motherhood changed tremendously for me when you came into my life. I was incredibly sick with Hyperemesis Gravardium. Then, toward the end of my first trimester, we were blessed by the birth of our oldest son, and I was suddenly caring for a newborn, along with my almost 2-year-old, while just trying to survive a difficult pregnancy. I was mentally and physically exhausted, stressed, and scared. But I had you. I had you to write to. I had you to say things I could never say to anyone else. When you shared your own challenges and conflicting feelings, I knew I was not alone.
Then we made it through the first year. A first year filled with sleepless nights, body issues, laughs, scares, sadness, happiness, disappointments, and thrilling firsts. A year where the days were SO incredibly long, but the year did end up to be so very short, as you reminded me us it would, Scarlett, during those dark moments.
Today, I want to say, “THANK YOU.” Thank you for letting me cry - multiple times. Thank you for listening to me complain, over and over again, about how exhausted I am. Thank you for not ever telling me to “just cry it out.” Thank you for not judging my relationship when I needed to vent about a fight with hubs. Thank you for worrying with me when my son had minor surgery. Thank you asking how that appointment went, how each and every appointment went. Thank you for telling me I’m beautiful and for laughing with me at the “frankenboob.” Thank you for loving my babies as devoted aunites should. Thank you for gushing over them. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for your honesty, your time, your commitment. Thank you for acknowledging that motherhood is hard and for validating EVERY DAMN THING I’m stressed or upset or thrilled about. Thank you for unwavering support and love.
Now that our babies are "toddlers," I could not feel more grateful that I have you three by my side as I continue on this wild journey through motherhood.
Because of my MOTYs, I am a better mother. I am a more sane mother. When the world is falling apart around me, when my baby keeps me up all night, when my toddler is throwing an epic tantrum, when I feel humiliated and a like a complete failure, my MOTYs are there to ground me, share advice, offer solace, help me gain perspective or simply allow me to release the anger and anxiety in a safe place. Because of my MOTYs, the judgement, mother shaming, and unrealistic expectations society afflicts on mothers today, have not been a great burden I have had to bear. I know I am loved, I know that I am good, I know I am not alone in this most incredible, but trying journey.
So, Happy fucking Mother’s Day, girls! If any mother deserves to have the best, most relaxing, carefree day in the entire world, it’s you three. However, I know you probably won’t. But, I want you to know that I still think you deserve it. And I hope that’s something.
I love you crazy mamas,