I've learned that in order for me to take care of myself, let go of judgment and find tolerance for all beings, I need to clear out my throat chakra regularly. This means that I speak my truth. And, by doing so, I cultivate ahimsa, which is non-violence. So please, mamas, allow me to roar my truth via the interwebs in order to avoid actually harming people in real life.
Remember-- I'm an authentic yogi--I've been using natural deodorant and drinking coconut water since 2004, so I obviously know what I'm talking about.
I invite you to chant "OM" after each bullet point on my list and offer up an intention of love.
List of Moms I Want To Smack:
• If you don't ever let your kids have fast food, I want to smack you.
• If you consider Panera Bread "fast food," I want to smack you.
• If you don't ever let your kids have sugar, I want to smack you.
• If you consider juice "sugar," I want to smack you.
• If you don't ever let your kids play with plastic, I want to smack you.
• If your legs didn't get fat when you were pregnant, I want to smack you. Actually, I want to punch you. In the jaw. And possibly give you a black eye.
• If you "weren't showing" at 20 weeks and it was your second pregnancy, I want to smack you.
• If you adhere to a particular parenting philosophy with the fundamental rigidity of a cult, I want to smack you.
• If you use this parenting philosophy to school other moms on how to raise their children, I want to smack you.
• If you say, "Enjoy every moment!" to a sleep-deprived first-time mom, I want to smack you.
• If your baby slept through the night at 3 months old, I want to smack you.
• If you do your kid's school projects for them, I want to smack you.
• If you pack your kids lunches that look like Pinterest animals walking through a forest, I want to smack you.
• If you don't let your kids watch any TV ever, I really immensely respect you and I think you're badass, but I still want to smack you because I'm jealous of your strength and patience.
• If you don't have a job outside the home but you do have both a nanny and a cleaning lady, I want to smack you.
• If you regularly take lavish vacations without your children, I want to smack you.
• If you let your kids run around and scream in public while you chat with a friend or scroll through your phone, I want to smack you.
Ahhhh, I honor the light in you, mamas. Thank you for letting me share my truth with you.
May all being everywhere be happy and free.
Om shanti shanti shanti...