Let me start off by saying...that don't get me wrong here, I absolutely WANT my boys to be mama's boys. Not that any of my children's sexual orientation would matter to me, but a part of me has secretly hoped that at least one of my sons would be gay, so they would never leave me for another woman. Isn't the old saying "A son is yours until he meets a wife, a daughter is yours for life?" I'm definitely the main woman in my husband's life, and the strife I've had with my mother-in-law does leave me with worry about how my own relationship would be with either of my sons' partners. Even though, I would definitely be way cooler, of course....
Anyway, I want my sons to stay mama's boys forever. All in the sense that I want them to seek out my incredible words of wisdom for everything from relationships to work to what adventure they should go on next. And, I want them to take those words to heart because they truly respect and trust me. I want them to let me hug and kiss them, and I want them to genuinely hug and kiss me back. I want them, when they speak of me, to say, "My mom is the best. She's my rock. You'll love her." I want them to call me and keep me updated on their lives and the people in them. I want them to love me like they love me now.
I was brought to tears last night looking at my husband holding Little Hawk. He is almost a year old -- ALREADY. Our last baby, almost a baby no more, and in that moment, time flashed before my eyes. Roger was once that small, too. I pictured his father holding him the same way, comforting and protecting his son. And now that tiny baby is over 6 ft tall, a grown man, strong, comforting, protecting, and providing for a family of his own. A man who never needs that sort of comfort from his parents. I immediately became overwhelmed by how beautifully tragic the process of a life is. These times, this day, this moment, is over and there is never an opportunity to get it back. I always want life to move forward because the opposite would be devastating (I would never want my child to be young forever; and I'm so superstitious, I will never even say those words jokingly.), but there is still a sadness, a nostalgia, that sweeps over me from time to time.