You know you're a MOTY when:
1. You've been in public with human waste on your clothing and/or in your hair (and didn't feel the slightest bit fazed if someone had the audacity to point it out.) Bonus! Have you ever presented a pitch to your boss with poo on your sweater?
2. Your kid has used two of the following three correctly in a sentence: shit, fuck, damn it. It's fine, though, they typically only use these words at home. Your kids understand that cursing is an adult privilege like coffee and booze.
3. The term "hot mess mom" resonates with you on a spiritual level.
4. Your baby's first solid food was Dairy Queen.
5. You've referred to your children assholes as least once – not because they were misbehaving but because you are honest.
7. Your kids school the other kids on correct terms for anatomy. A MOTY never makes up ridiculous nicknames for penis and vagina. (However, your kids probably also know words like cock and twat…)
8. You consider the rules about screen time to be incredibly malleable. Mostly in the sense that they depend on your mood and the weather.
9. It's acceptable to serve a dinner that is entirely yellow – shoutout to my processed carbs! – and to count ketchup as a vegetable.
10. Your kid thinks a "daddy-bag" is a thing. You know, because you've had to explain multiple times why you called Daddy a d-bag.
11. You can't be bothered to go downstairs to get a sippy cup, so you just rinse out the wine glass on your nightstand and fill it with water. Two hands, buddy, two hands!
12. You've caught a turd in your bare hands... and are kind of proud.
13. Your kid drops food on the ground in a public place and you scoop it right up and give it back to her. You might pretend to brush it off slightly if someone is staring directly at you.
15. Your baby soaked himself overnight and instead of changing the sheets, you just stick a towel under him.
16. You blame your farts on your kids. Tip: Works best if you have more than one kid.
17. Your kid corrects you when you make gender normative assumptions about toys.
18. The highlight of your day is running mundane errands that involve drive-throughs because your kids are strapped in their carseats.
19 You firmly believe that siblings need to develop their own tools for conflict resolution, which sounds really clever except that it's a line you stole from a Disney tween show and what you love most about it is that it means you don't have to do anything.
20. You're truly never judging another mama. We're all on the same team, we need each other, and you're sending out nothing but empathy and good vibes.