The fact that you are considering the Babypod should indicate that you know what the Babypod is. But, the fact that you are considering it also makes me wonder if perhaps you are confused on what the Babypod is. Just so we're all on the same page, you are aware that the Babypod is essentially an iPod, but instead of using earbuds, you use a vag bud, yes? You know, directly inside your vagina. Like so:
- Purchasing 648 Pampers Swaddlers
- Setting yourself up with a hand-free pumping kit, 400 milk storage bags and 600 breast pads
- Spending a final baby-free night in a decent hotel with your loving baby-making partner
- Stocking Baby's library with 20 brand new board books
- Introducing music with a toddler-friendly piano, guitar, drum set, tambourine and maracas
- Buying and prepping a week's worth of nutritious and delicious home-cooked meals to put in your freezer for those first hazy weeks
- Keeping Baby safe with a 46-piece baby-proofing set, a 120-piece first aid kit and a couple of baby gates
- Literally anything in Target or Starbucks
If you're a first-time mama considering the Babypod, I'm going to go ahead and let you off the hook. Chalk it up to those wacky pregnancy hormones and your overwhelming anxiety about motherhood and the innate need to grow the healthiest fetus possible. So listen up and thank me later: the road to hell is paved with good intentions -- and vaginal speakers. But, mamas, if this is not your first baby and you are still genuinely considering pumping Mumford & Sons straight up your vulva, you know better. If you're spending $150 to put something inside your vagina, it better either have an M.D. after its name or the intention of stimulating a lot more than fetal neurological development.