1. I’ve learned to hold truly remarkable quantities of highly detailed information in my head. This comes in most handy when I make a run to Subway for my family of five, sure, but it’s also helpful with things like social security numbers and medical info, complicated extracurricular calendars, school supply lists, and holiday shopping.
2. Taking two trips is for cowards. I didn’t do it when I had five entrees and three martinis to carry, and I’m not doing it now. I don’t care how many diaper bags, shopping bags, thrashing toddlers and actively suckling infants I have – or how heavy the blasted gallon of OJ is – we are only walking from the car to house one time. Got it?
4. You’re gonna have a lot of gross stuff spilled on you. Just keep working and don’t think about it.
5. As both a server and a mother, you absolutely, categorically have to be nice to other people’s kids. It’s hard, especially when they vomit or say dumb things, but you have to do it.
7. Mealtime is a magical ritual when grownups who have their shit together sit down at a nice clean table to enjoy hot provisions and pleasant conversation. This didn’t include me during my decade in food service, and it sure as hell hasn't included me during my decade as a parent. Eating cold food, standing up, over the span of several hours suffices.
8. People who know way less about the situation at hand than you do will speak to you like you are an utterly stupid fool. In restaurants, this could be your tables or your managers. In parenting, it’s your kids. It’s always your kids. Just SMILE.