- We can make plans, but I will definitely be late and/or cancel. This is not because I don't like you or respect your time but because I am a fierce introvert and a hot mess with a gaggle of children whom I simply cannot predict or control.
- I will never sign the volunteer sheet at school to help with classroom parties. Small talk makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife, and other people's children are annoying.
- My kids will eat "fruit" snacks, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, non-organic everything and too much processed crap in general. I know better. In fact, I have extensive knowledge on nutrition... but, come on. Life is hard AF.
- Related: I will eat the foods I love and feel nothing but incredible about that.
- I will stop forcing my kids to smile at and give hugs to relatives and acquaintances they hardly know because my kids are actually real people with their own boundaries for their bodies and their emotions. That's not only incredibly important but also pretty cool. To hell with feeling embarrassed over honoring their comfort levels.
- I will be completely and utterly useless after 9 p.m. I won't read. I won't text you back. I won't have sex with my husband (much). This is in part because my kids drain the life force out of me all day long and in part because I am carrying the mental load in our home. If decide to "clock out" after a day that started at 5 a.m., so be it.
- My kids will wear T-shirts with stains, mismatched clothes and pants with holes in the knees. This is not because I can't afford to buy them new clothes but because I cannot afford to give enough fucks to monitor what they put on each day.
- I will not stop saying "fuck" or "shit" when it's the only word that I see fit. My kids know they can't drink coffee or alcohol yet. Or drive a car. Or go to work. Here's one more grown-up thing they can add to the list.
- Related: I will laugh every time my preschooler swears. Because that's funny.
- I will refuse to feel inadequate when I don't bake the bake-sale brownies, when I forget to sign the permission slip, when I occasionally retreat to my phone instead of getting lost in my children's imaginations, when I forget about Silly Hat Day, when I can't afford the overnight camp, when I go to McDonald's or when I take back a punishment. Because I'm a really good mom. I love my kids more than anyone on this earth ever could. I give them everything I am able to. And I am enough.
Ah, the new year is upon us... a time for corks popping, glasses clinking, confetti flying and – who are we kidding – trying to keep our eyes open until midnight while we binge-watch Parenthood in our PJs and wonder why we can't ever look as put together as Kristina Braverman. The woman has three kids, including a son with special needs, and a political career. And cancer.
We digress. For many, the real crux of a New Year's celebration is the opportunity to reflect on your accomplishments (or lack of) during the past year and to make resolutions for how you want to improve yourself in the future. Read more. Scroll mindlessly through your phone less. Do more yoga. Learn to speak Mandarin. Blah blah blah. We've heard them all before. That's why we MOTYs decided to do something a little different with our 2018 resolutions. Instead of isolating aspects we want to change about ourselves, we've decided to fully embrace the MOTYiest things about ourselves that we actually secretly adore. In 2018...
Happy New Year, mamas! We hope you'll join us in embracing your inner MOTY in 2018!
We love our kids. They drive us crazy. We write about it instead of going insane.