My husband and I are lucky enough that we are both stay-at-home parents. Any single parent that has to take care of the kids the majority of the day will probably think this is a great situation. And it is...
Except when we are with both our kids at the same freaking time.
Then, when the handoff from me to Billy occurs, the kids. go. insane. By now, we know enough to hold our breath, waiting, with squinted eyes and cringey mouths, for the inevitable. Sometimes it happens right away. Other days, the kids psyche us out by behaving beautifully and then slowly BAM!
"Des! Please don't rip toys from your brother's hands." He proceeds to slap Roman hard across the back.
Roman starts crawling towards us, zombielike in his intensity, mewling like a sick goat. He reaches his arms up for me. He wants to be held constantly.
Des starts throwing his dirty clothes into the living room. "Des, I'm going to count to three." A pause. Quiet. I put Roman down on the floor, waiting to get up.
"One." He runs into the kitchen, a maniacal look on his face. Oh fuck.
"Two." I hear the kitchen chair being scraped against the floor. I look around for Roman. He's crawled over to his dad and slapping him on his face.
"Three." I get up, dreading the inevitable shit show I will find in the kitchen. Roman cries for me as I walk to the kitchen.
Des's face is smeared in generic Nutella, he's naked, and he's wearing his dirty underwear on his head. The dirty underwear that he SHARTED in (we cut him some slack since he's wiping all by himself). The second he sees me, he growls and runs past me to his room and slams the door. The little bugger even locks it!
I give up. I walk out to a string of curses muttered by my husband. Roman had just projectile pooped on him while he was changing his diaper.
We can't win. No matter what life you choose, whether you're both working outside of the home or not, kids are cruel, heartless little things that will cut you to the very core. So don't try too hard at this parenting thing. Don't feel too guilty that you're not spending enough time with your children. Take it from me...your kids need a break from you as much as you do from them.