Listen up, mamas. Halloween is just around the corner. And while some mothers may be lovingly wrapping their porches in spiderweb substance and Instgramming the candy corn wreaths they hand-crafted with their freakishly eye-hand coordinated children, let's face it: we're just not up to the task. But your kids will demand pumpkins, and even the surliest of MOTYs couldn't deny their child a pumpkin during the crisp glory of October. But it doesn't have to be a goopy, slimy mess, tinged with the white-hot fear of losing a digit to the carving knife. Just grab your favorite Octoberfest brew, and follow these three steps:
1. Never actually carve a pumpkin.
2. Get the smallest pumpkins money can buy.
3. Don't actually buy a pumpkin.
Happy Halloween! Oh, and you should eat at least 65% of your kids' candy, too. It's only fair.