Carve a Pumpkin Like a MOTY in 3 Simple Steps

By Layah and Annie

Listen up, mamas. Halloween is just around the corner. And while some mothers may be lovingly wrapping their porches in spiderweb substance and Instgramming the candy corn wreaths they hand-crafted with their freakishly eye-hand coordinated children, let's face it: we're just not up to the task. But your kids will demand pumpkins, and even the surliest of MOTYs couldn't deny their child a pumpkin during the crisp glory of October. But it doesn't have to be a goopy, slimy mess, tinged with the white-hot fear of losing a digit to the carving knife. Just grab your favorite Octoberfest brew, and follow these three steps:

1. Never actually carve a pumpkin.

That's right, mamas, your kids can use paint, glitter, sticker, color, tape...just use your imagination! There are so many fun and fulfilling ways you and your child can decorate a pumpkin without ever actually having to gut the thing.

2. Get the smallest pumpkins money can buy.

The smaller the pumpkin, the less surface area there is to cover. Are you following? Why pursue a 2-hour craft when you can slide by with 10 intense minutes of creativity? 

3. Don't actually buy a pumpkin.

Now, this one is admittedly harder to pull off with older kids. But ride this out as long as you can, mamas, you hear us? AS LONG AS YOU CAN. If your kid is happy cutting wonky shapes that vaguely resemble pumpkins out of construction paper and gluing faces on them, why on earth would you mess with that neat slice of heaven? So you can have a sweet, seasonal photo opp? Not. Worth. It. 

Happy Halloween! Oh, and you should eat at least 65% of your kids' candy, too. It's only fair.